These gaps in each other’s lives slowly but surely form a gap in the middle of your friendship. The love is still there, but the familiarity is not. Before you know it, you’re not living life together any more. You’re living life separately with respective boyfriends then meeting up for dinner every six weekends to tell each other what living is like. I now understand why our mums cleaned the house before their best friend came round and asked them ‘What’s the news, then?’ in a jolly, stilted way. I get how that happens.

So don’t tell me when you move in with your boyfriend that nothing will change. There will be no road trip, the cycle works when it comes to holidays as well – I’ll get my buddy back for every sixth summer, unless she has a baby in which case I’ll get my road trip in eighteen years’ time. It never stops happening. Everything will change.

My entire adolescence was spent hanging about with my friends and their boyfriends. Smiling along as they play-fought on the sofa or pretending to play snake on my phone while they snogged in a corner of the room. I smile and pretend with couples very well, it’s how I’ve spent most weekday evenings around a table in my twenties. I let them have fake arguments in front of me about whose turn it is to load or unload the dishwasher. I laugh along when they tell long stories about each other’s sleeping habits. I am silent as they discuss details of people’s lives I have never heard of in an overly animated way (‘No WAY?! Priya didn’t end up buying those tiles! I don’t BELIEVE it! After all that! Oh God, sorry, explain to Dolly who Priya is and the whole story of the loft conversion from start to finish’) to prove they have a wildly interesting life that doesn’t involve me. And all the while I pretend I don’t know why I am third wheel; why I am doing all the laughing and the listening. But of course I know I am merely an aphrodisiac in their game of Domestic Bliss – I know when I leave they’ll rip each other’s clothes off, having got all revved up on an extended joint discourse about their holiday in the Philippines, particularly when they both said the same island when I asked them what their favourite bit was. I am just a reluctant audience member.

But I sit and watch all these shows anyway because the alternative – losing my friends – is not an option.

#книги