There are a lot of things I want to say about this apartment. And although our stay was all in all good (we are not very picky airbnb-ers)— there are minor and big “situations” that need to be addressed. The apartment is in great location, it’s spacious and the Underground station is a 30 second walk.

In fact, let’s not even consider the little details and move straight to the BIG ones. There are three.

Problem #1: “The Key” Problem. What will surprise any curious traveler after a 4+ hour flight is the fact that you have to travel again. Yup, not resting — not taking a bath, nor having a “Welcome-City” sex with your significant other, but actually traveling (by foot) to Earl’s Court to pick up the keys. And then, sweaty and tired, travel back home — to Fulham. It may be that by the time you get home sex is off the table...

Problem #2: “The Komunalka” Problem. I am from Russia — and in Soviet Union we used to have this concept called “komunalka”. In short, it’s a type of living space (for lack of a better word) — in which 6 families live together in an apartment that was supposed to be used for 1. Hence, you share the same bathroom, kitchen, smells and sounds — all your life. When Stalin KGB officials come to pick somebody up, everyone is scared as if they came for them. Well, this place reminded me of “komunalka”.

On the second night of our stay, I woke up — sweating and shivering from fear when I heard that somebody entered the room next to our bedroom. I saw the lights turn on and steps loud and clear. I took my phone from the lamp stand and crawled slowly towards the sound, yelling “Who THE FUCK IS THERE?!”. It turned out, there was nobody. But the sounds were so clear and the presence of somebody was so real — because nobody tells you that this is a joint apartment. One apartment = 2 exits = 2 Airbnb’s. Or, “komunalka”.

Problem #3: “The Hole” Problem. People warned us that it is supposed to rain in London. We believed them. What we didn’t expect though, is that you can’t hide from rain. It rains even inside. That’s exactly what happened on our last day at this apartment — there turned out to be a hole in the ceiling that made rain drops come through and wet our things. (Before I realized that, I almost admitted to myself that I peed in my sleep the night before ) All in all, it was great.

Be prepared to smell Grandma for the whole time of your stay — and beware of spiders in the showers. One of them is named Jack — he recently lost a brother to a traveler from Russia.

He rests in peace in the sink.