Heart! Crispin Oduobuk

'Wielding a glimmering machete, an insanely angry Papa Barna pursues an unashamedly naked Oyigbo the butcher out of his compound. Picture him in sportswear and the latter would rate high as an Olympic-level sprinter for the effort he is making. Such is his speed that long after this incident, there would be no consensus as to the true size of his penis; no one sees that pendulum for more than a split second. Even the Akpan twins, Paul and Silas, who have the dubious honour of being knocked out of the way as…