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VALERA AND CONSTANCE

SAINT VALENTINE’S DAY
WAS INVENTED BY GAYS
SHOVE YOUR CARD IN YOUR CUNT
GO TO COOK ME AND BRAISE

BRAISE YOUR FOOD BY YOURSELF
AND I’M GOING, OH YES
FOR A FUCK WITH MY STAS
IN HIS MERCEDES S-CLASS

FUCK, HUN! HAVE FUN!

HE’LL BUY ME A TEDDY
AND A BUNCH OF RED ROSES
BUT YOU ARE NOT READY
FOR A ROMANCE IN SUCH DOSES

YOU’RE GIVING YOURSELF WITHOUT DOUBTS
TO A RANDOM STAS IN A CAR
FOR PRESENTS, FOR ROSES, HANDOUTS!
JUST LOOK HOW ADULT YOU ARE

OH, LO AND BEHOLD! WELL, OKAY
OF COURSE YOU’RE NOT A PLAYA
REMEMBER, WHAT WAS YESTERDAY
BETWEEN YOU AND BABUSHKA GALYA?

NO ROSES AND OTHER SHIT
I FUCKED THIS BABUSHKA FOR FREE
I FUCKED HER SO HOT AND SO SWEET
OUR LOVE IS THE PASSION’S KEY

SO NOW LET HER COOK YOU AND BRAISE
AND MY STAS, BY THE WAY, IS A BANKER
IN THE SACK HE AND I SPEND ALL DAYS
BELIEVE ME, HE IS NOT A WANKER

OKAY, WITH YOUR BANKERS YOU, CHICKS
SHOULD MOAN FOR ROSES AND STUFF
BUT EVERYONE KNOWS BANKERS’ DICKS
MAKE YOU ACTUALLY NOTHING BUT LAUGH

AND YOUR SALARY IS LIKE A CHIMERA
YOU’RE A FUNNY ENGINEER, MY EX
AND YOU NEVER EVER, VALERA
HOLD THE DOOR FOR THE FAIRER SEX!

I DON’T HOLD THE DOOR, DEAR CONSTANCE
’CAUSE I’M AFRAID OF THE LIBBERS, HONEY
MANSPLAINING, SEXISM, OTHER NONSENSE
DICK’S SIZE IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MONEY

I AM NOT A LIBBER, YOU KNOW IT
I AM ALWAYS UP FOR A REALLY GOOD SCHMUCK
AND WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SHOW IT
LIKE THERE’S NO BEAUTY BUT FUCK

WELL, YOU’RE NOT A LIBBER, MY SIS
YOU CAME TO OUR CITY FOR WILLIES
WHAT I’M TRYING IS NONE OF YOUR BIZ
TO FUCK WITH DOUCHBAGS IS YOUR BUSINESS

OH, NOW YOU SAY THIS, JUDAH
WHILE YOU SIT IN MY FLAT WITH YOUR STUFF
GET OUT LIKE A SWIFT BARRACUDA
NOT LIKE A POKY GIRAFFE

THE FLAT OF MY BABUSHKA GALYA?
WHY DO YOU CLAIM IT’S YOURS?
YOU’RE A SNAKE IN THE GRASS IN ITALIA!
AND FOR WHAT DID WE HELP YOU, OH GODS

VALERA, COME ON, GET REAL
HOW LONG DO YOU THINK SHE’S YOURS?
CHASING OUR NEIGHBOR IS A VERY BIG DEAL
AND YOU’RE THE BEAST FROM THE CELLAR, OF COURSE

YESTERDAY SHE BECAME MINE
BY THE WAY, FOURTEEN TIMES IN A ROW
AT IKEA WE FUCKED ALL THE TIME
THOSE RUMORS ARE BULLSHIT, YOU KNOW

AT OUR LITTLE BELOVED IKEA
WHERE YOU ASKED ME TO MARRY YOU?
SO, ALL THIS TIME YOU JUST DIDN’T CARE
AND LIED LIKE A GODLESS JEW?!

YES I DID. BANKERS LIE TO YOU, TOO
WHEN YOU WANT TO FUCK SUCH A BABY
TO BE HONEST, WHAT YOU WOULDN’T DO!
ONLY LIES. AND MORE PRESENTS, MAYBE

DO YOU THINK I WILL BE COERCED
BY YOUR FLATTER? YOU COON, I WON’T!
GIVE ME BEARS AND ROSES AT FIRST
AND THEN YOU CAN DO WHAT YOU WANT

NO, THESE BEARS I CANNOT BRING
NOW GET UNDRESSED, DON’T COMPLAIN
BANKER’S GIFTS ARE THE USUAL THING
BUT FUCKING WITH ME IS THE MAIN

WELL, YOU JUST ALWAYS SAY THAT
ALL OF YOU, YOU DAMNED DICKSCUMS
I’LL GO AND DROWN IN A TOILET
END MY MISERABLE LIFE AT ONCE

AND YOU’RE NOT A LIBBER? THAT’S LIES!
OKAY, TAKE IT EASY, MY LOVE
YOU’D BETTER CHOOSE GIRLS IN FAVOR OF GUYS
AND FUCK THEM BEYOND AND ABOVE

BUT FOR A FUCK THEY WILL ASK FOR
FLOWERS AND SHOES, A FUR COAT, A DRESS
YOU KNOW, I THINK I’D PREFER
FUCKING YOU ’CAUSE THERE’S LESS STRESS

OKAY, THAT’S THE DEAL, I WILL WAIT
TOMORROW FOR YOU IN THE HAYLOFT
AND WHAT WE ARE GONNA CREATE
IS AMAZINGLY MAKING LOVE
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